Some time in July of 2005, those 4 words brought my world crashing to the ground. That's what Nadiah's pediatrician said to me when we went for a check up... "She could be autistic".
Nadiah was born on the 26th of April 2002 at 4.20pm on a Friday, two months earlier than expected, at Kedah Medical Centre (
KMC). Some of you knows of the near-death experience I went through in order to bring her into this world (and I would go through it again, for she is such a happy child). Due to her premature state, she was put in the incubator for 2 weeks and under observation for another 2 weeks at the Alor Star General Hospital (ASGH).
The first few months of her life we were very careful with her especially when giving her a bath. She was skin and bones that it was difficult to hold her in the tub. My mom made a special tiny pillow so we can rest her on it when giving her a bath. Even so, she was an active child; kicking and flapping away when we put her down.
Before long she was gaining weight and developing well, albeit later a month or two than a normal child's development schedule but that was only expected because she was premature. By the time she was a year, she was walking and responding like normal but not really talking. She would make noises and gurgling but no words. Soon after, she would say Baba a couple of times which made my husband so happy. About this time we stated buying Barney CDs for her to watch and she loved it. She would sit and watch for hours on end and would rock and clap to the songs. Even at a young age she knows the melody of the songs when she "sings" the songs. I may not know what exactly she was saying but I could identify which song from the melody. Soon after that she could say the words although they were babyish. But no matter, that was progress. But one thing I noticed is that she doesn't turn around when you call her name. No matter how many times or how loud you call out to her, there was no response. She was also not into the "peek-a-boo" game that normally would get any babies rolling on the floor laughing. Whatever game you try to play with her, she will not respond. At first we thought she had hearing problems. But how could that be? She can sing and dance to music. Sometimes when she was playing away from the TV room and suddenly the Barney song starts palying on the telly, she would immediately run and stand in front of the TV. That shows that she could hear well enough. She was also not talking to people. Not to me, not to Shukri and most definitely not to the other family members that she seldom see. Whenever she wants something, she would pull and push me, and take my hand to reach for something.. a toy, a drink or whatever. Notice that she does not point out herself. Neither did she look at something that you're pointing at. We were stumped!! Why was she behaving like this? Everybody kept saying that she's probably a late bloomer due to her being premature. Or that the problem was she watched a lot of Barney which is in English whilst everybody talks in Malay at home. So that was what's making her confused. Funny thing was, I didn't even think of doing any research on my own about why my daughter was behaving like this. This is ME! Who would Google every single thing that I see in the movies or read in a book that I wanted to know more about. All I did was read about parenting and how to deal with difficult behaviour in children. I found the solution, but I did not look for the problem.
By the time she was three, she could say a lot of words. But only a few would relate to the situation around her. For example when she wants her milk she would come and to me and say "susu" (milk). Or she would say lion, cat, elephant or banana when she saw the pictures. Most other words are just repetition from whatever she heard on TV. Words may come out of her mouth but you have no idea why she's saying them. We had trouble understanding her and she seemed unable to understand us at all.
Another thing that was a problem was certain sounds seemed to agitate her. It doesn't have to be loud. She's fine when the thunder is crashing away in the sky, but would start to close her ears with her hands when there was a swishing sound like air passing through a tight space or the sound that some elevators make when it's going up fast. She would scream and cry and start to kick and scratch us. She becomes really strong when these episodes happens that her Baba couldn't pick her up, let alone me. Doesn't matter where she is: at the supermarket, at home, at a friend's house, at McDonald's.. you name it, we've been through it. Sometimes we don't even know why she's crying and kicking and screaming. She couldn't talk and we don't seem to be doing what she wants us to; and that frustrates her. I understood that she was frustrated but I didn't know how to calm her down. These meltdowns she would have regularly. Sometimes up 2 to 3 times a day.
Nadiah didn't know how to play with her toys either. She loves
getting toys especially blocks or anything that was colourful. She especially loves crayons, coloured pencils or painting. But all she did was line them all up.. perfectly. I used to think to myself, "wow.. my daughter is so artistic she can line up her coloured pencils from the shortest to the tallest".
Little did I know that that was a sign.
Off all of her "problem areas", what most crushed my heart was that she disliked being cuddled. When she was old enough to sleep in her own bed, we bought her a single bed and placed it next to ours. Whenever I lay down beside her on her bed she would push and kick me away. I wondered sometimes, does she not love me? It breaks my heart to see my brother, who has a son a year older than Nadiah, play and interact with his son. Even Shukri would wrestle around with him. We are close to this cousin, Amir, because my brother sends him around our house 3 times a week for my mom to babysit (BTW we live with my parents, an uncle, and 2 more ladies in this house.. so there's always people around). I know every child is different in their behaviour and development, but I can't help comparing Nadiah to Amir. Amir is such a chatterbox and a cheeky boy, who would follow us around as if we were his parents, while Nadiah is so indifferent to all these.
Don't get me wrong, despite these problem areas, Nadiah is a happy child who would sing and dance and jump up and down. It's just that her social communication was lacking.
So one day when she wasn't feeling well, we took her to her usual pediatrician, Dr.R. He had been treating her since she was born so knows about her slow development. But before this particular visit, it had been almost a year since we saw him because Nadiah had not been ill. When he asked about Nadiah's development, we told him that apart from some few words there was not much progress. Remember, she's 3 by then; the age where most children would have been able to form 3 to 4-word sentences. So Dr.R suggested if we would consider seeing a speech therapist or a child psychologist. "Why?" we asked him. He said "she could be autistic...."
Nadiah was born on the 26th of April 2002 at 4.20pm on a Friday, two months earlier than expected, at Kedah Medical Centre (
KMC). Some of you knows of the near-death experience I went through in order to bring her into this world (and I would go through it again, for she is such a happy child). Due to her premature state, she was put in the incubator for 2 weeks and under observation for another 2 weeks at the Alor Star General Hospital (ASGH).The first few months of her life we were very careful with her especially when giving her a bath. She was skin and bones that it was difficult to hold her in the tub. My mom made a special tiny pillow so we can rest her on it when giving her a bath. Even so, she was an active child; kicking and flapping away when we put her down.
Before long she was gaining weight and developing well, albeit later a month or two than a normal child's development schedule but that was only expected because she was premature. By the time she was a year, she was walking and responding like normal but not really talking. She would make noises and gurgling but no words. Soon after, she would say Baba a couple of times which made my husband so happy. About this time we stated buying Barney CDs for her to watch and she loved it. She would sit and watch for hours on end and would rock and clap to the songs. Even at a young age she knows the melody of the songs when she "sings" the songs. I may not know what exactly she was saying but I could identify which song from the melody. Soon after that she could say the words although they were babyish. But no matter, that was progress. But one thing I noticed is that she doesn't turn around when you call her name. No matter how many times or how loud you call out to her, there was no response. She was also not into the "peek-a-boo" game that normally would get any babies rolling on the floor laughing. Whatever game you try to play with her, she will not respond. At first we thought she had hearing problems. But how could that be? She can sing and dance to music. Sometimes when she was playing away from the TV room and suddenly the Barney song starts palying on the telly, she would immediately run and stand in front of the TV. That shows that she could hear well enough. She was also not talking to people. Not to me, not to Shukri and most definitely not to the other family members that she seldom see. Whenever she wants something, she would pull and push me, and take my hand to reach for something.. a toy, a drink or whatever. Notice that she does not point out herself. Neither did she look at something that you're pointing at. We were stumped!! Why was she behaving like this? Everybody kept saying that she's probably a late bloomer due to her being premature. Or that the problem was she watched a lot of Barney which is in English whilst everybody talks in Malay at home. So that was what's making her confused. Funny thing was, I didn't even think of doing any research on my own about why my daughter was behaving like this. This is ME! Who would Google every single thing that I see in the movies or read in a book that I wanted to know more about. All I did was read about parenting and how to deal with difficult behaviour in children. I found the solution, but I did not look for the problem.
By the time she was three, she could say a lot of words. But only a few would relate to the situation around her. For example when she wants her milk she would come and to me and say "susu" (milk). Or she would say lion, cat, elephant or banana when she saw the pictures. Most other words are just repetition from whatever she heard on TV. Words may come out of her mouth but you have no idea why she's saying them. We had trouble understanding her and she seemed unable to understand us at all.
Another thing that was a problem was certain sounds seemed to agitate her. It doesn't have to be loud. She's fine when the thunder is crashing away in the sky, but would start to close her ears with her hands when there was a swishing sound like air passing through a tight space or the sound that some elevators make when it's going up fast. She would scream and cry and start to kick and scratch us. She becomes really strong when these episodes happens that her Baba couldn't pick her up, let alone me. Doesn't matter where she is: at the supermarket, at home, at a friend's house, at McDonald's.. you name it, we've been through it. Sometimes we don't even know why she's crying and kicking and screaming. She couldn't talk and we don't seem to be doing what she wants us to; and that frustrates her. I understood that she was frustrated but I didn't know how to calm her down. These meltdowns she would have regularly. Sometimes up 2 to 3 times a day.
Nadiah didn't know how to play with her toys either. She loves
getting toys especially blocks or anything that was colourful. She especially loves crayons, coloured pencils or painting. But all she did was line them all up.. perfectly. I used to think to myself, "wow.. my daughter is so artistic she can line up her coloured pencils from the shortest to the tallest".Little did I know that that was a sign.
Off all of her "problem areas", what most crushed my heart was that she disliked being cuddled. When she was old enough to sleep in her own bed, we bought her a single bed and placed it next to ours. Whenever I lay down beside her on her bed she would push and kick me away. I wondered sometimes, does she not love me? It breaks my heart to see my brother, who has a son a year older than Nadiah, play and interact with his son. Even Shukri would wrestle around with him. We are close to this cousin, Amir, because my brother sends him around our house 3 times a week for my mom to babysit (BTW we live with my parents, an uncle, and 2 more ladies in this house.. so there's always people around). I know every child is different in their behaviour and development, but I can't help comparing Nadiah to Amir. Amir is such a chatterbox and a cheeky boy, who would follow us around as if we were his parents, while Nadiah is so indifferent to all these.
Don't get me wrong, despite these problem areas, Nadiah is a happy child who would sing and dance and jump up and down. It's just that her social communication was lacking.
So one day when she wasn't feeling well, we took her to her usual pediatrician, Dr.R. He had been treating her since she was born so knows about her slow development. But before this particular visit, it had been almost a year since we saw him because Nadiah had not been ill. When he asked about Nadiah's development, we told him that apart from some few words there was not much progress. Remember, she's 3 by then; the age where most children would have been able to form 3 to 4-word sentences. So Dr.R suggested if we would consider seeing a speech therapist or a child psychologist. "Why?" we asked him. He said "she could be autistic...."
to be continued... with my reaction and the steps we took.
p/s: my fingers are very tired la from all this typing!!
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