I was reading a blog entry by a friend the other day. She was talking about love after marriage; whether it's still there or not. That kept me thinking all day and I decided to write about it.
Well for me, I think the love that you felt when you were dating your husband (or vice versa) doesn't end. But it's a different kind of love. The love that you feel evolves from the "can't-get-enough-of-you-and-want-to-spend-all-our-time-together-and-the-hell-with-other-people" kind of love to the "your're-my-husband-and-the-father-of-my-child(ren)" kind of love. Marriage cames with responsibilities; loads of them. But the most important one is to keep the marriage going. Work on it. Commit. Isn't that what a marriage is? Isn't that what you vow to each other when you get married? It's not easy to just get married and get a divorce a few years later (although Britney Spears did it just for the fun of it; and only after 55 hours!!!). I'm sure nobody comes to a decision to severe marital ties on a whim.
It's true that you may not have the time to eat out or go out for a movie just the two of you. But I think a marriage is just like any stage of a relationship. They all need your work and commitment to last. Don't tell me you don't have to work hard while dating. You work hard to impress your love by not saying the wrong words, by being thoughtful of each other, by always thinking of each other when you're apart. If that isn't working hard people, I don't know what is. Compromise, give and take, helping out.. they're all the same thing. Like the saying goes: It takes two to tango and that is so true. Nothing works on itself. But sadly not everybody does that. But if after all you've tried and a divorce is still unavoidable, well then maybe it was never meant to be after all.
In my case, my husband and I got married 15 months after we met. We went steady for a month, engaged for 5 and got married. Maybe that wasn't enough time to really get to know one another, but hey, we took a chance. The first couple of years were blissful. After we had a child and I gave up work, it was different. Only to be expected I guess as we have more responsibilities; not just towards each other but also to our child. I choose to stay home and he goes out to work. At times I do feel neglected or not appreciated. He gets to meet people and go out for drinks while I'm stuck at home, scrubbing the toilet (which he has promised to do on many occasions and have yet to do so) and clearing up after Nadiah etc, etc. But those are just my depressed-mood talking. It is not always like that. He is helpful and he would drop everything off to accommodate special days like birthdays or anniversaries; and important days like Nadiah's doctor's appointments. He took one look at my wish list and got one out of the list without me expecting it. So I remember all those. Whenever these crazy moods comes over, I remember all the little things that he's done. Not very many maybe, but at least he's trying and that's all I'm asking right now. To try. To give some to this marriage.
So is the love we have for each other still the same as before? Of course not. It has evolved. My love for him has changed. It was a love of a single woman for a single man before. Now it's a love of a woman: married, a wife, a mother, sometimes overly stressed woman for a man: married man, a husband, a father, a sometimes lazy fellow, but a love nevertheless. Most days it's not the mushy-mushy kind of love, but if we work hard, it can be on some days. But it's still there. The love is there and it won't be just a phase.
Just my two cent's worth of opinion.
Well for me, I think the love that you felt when you were dating your husband (or vice versa) doesn't end. But it's a different kind of love. The love that you feel evolves from the "can't-get-enough-of-you-and-want-to-spend-all-our-time-together-and-the-hell-with-other-people" kind of love to the "your're-my-husband-and-the-father-of-my-child(ren)" kind of love. Marriage cames with responsibilities; loads of them. But the most important one is to keep the marriage going. Work on it. Commit. Isn't that what a marriage is? Isn't that what you vow to each other when you get married? It's not easy to just get married and get a divorce a few years later (although Britney Spears did it just for the fun of it; and only after 55 hours!!!). I'm sure nobody comes to a decision to severe marital ties on a whim.
It's true that you may not have the time to eat out or go out for a movie just the two of you. But I think a marriage is just like any stage of a relationship. They all need your work and commitment to last. Don't tell me you don't have to work hard while dating. You work hard to impress your love by not saying the wrong words, by being thoughtful of each other, by always thinking of each other when you're apart. If that isn't working hard people, I don't know what is. Compromise, give and take, helping out.. they're all the same thing. Like the saying goes: It takes two to tango and that is so true. Nothing works on itself. But sadly not everybody does that. But if after all you've tried and a divorce is still unavoidable, well then maybe it was never meant to be after all.
In my case, my husband and I got married 15 months after we met. We went steady for a month, engaged for 5 and got married. Maybe that wasn't enough time to really get to know one another, but hey, we took a chance. The first couple of years were blissful. After we had a child and I gave up work, it was different. Only to be expected I guess as we have more responsibilities; not just towards each other but also to our child. I choose to stay home and he goes out to work. At times I do feel neglected or not appreciated. He gets to meet people and go out for drinks while I'm stuck at home, scrubbing the toilet (which he has promised to do on many occasions and have yet to do so) and clearing up after Nadiah etc, etc. But those are just my depressed-mood talking. It is not always like that. He is helpful and he would drop everything off to accommodate special days like birthdays or anniversaries; and important days like Nadiah's doctor's appointments. He took one look at my wish list and got one out of the list without me expecting it. So I remember all those. Whenever these crazy moods comes over, I remember all the little things that he's done. Not very many maybe, but at least he's trying and that's all I'm asking right now. To try. To give some to this marriage.
So is the love we have for each other still the same as before? Of course not. It has evolved. My love for him has changed. It was a love of a single woman for a single man before. Now it's a love of a woman: married, a wife, a mother, sometimes overly stressed woman for a man: married man, a husband, a father, a sometimes lazy fellow, but a love nevertheless. Most days it's not the mushy-mushy kind of love, but if we work hard, it can be on some days. But it's still there. The love is there and it won't be just a phase.
Just my two cent's worth of opinion.
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